Single Minded Women - women's relationships - Divorced

Latest in RELATIONSHIPS

FEATURE ARTICLES
Talk Sexy To Me: How Your Tone Turns Him On On SMW BlogTalkRadio: Veronica Monet Tells SEX SECRETS OF ESCORTS! Single Celebrity Relationships: What We Can Learn From Them
full archive

WEEKLY COLUMNS
Your 2009 New Year's Mr. Right Resolution Home Alone for the Holidays—and That's Okay Is Your Relationship Stressed Out? 5 Tips on Chilling Out—with Him
full archive

ASK THE EXPERTS
Q&A with John Gray: "My boyfriend doesn't want to go home with me!" Holidays and Lonelines Divorced—and Depressed about Dating
full archive

COMMUNITY FORUMS

LATEST POST

SMW's Holiday Gift Guide for Lovers

Oh My boyfriend is a Sports Nut That ESPN game would've been perfect. He's always telling me trivia about basketball. more...

ASK THE EXPERTS

Divorced—and Depressed about Dating
Women’s Relationships & Dating Advice
By Keith Ablow, MD, updated 12/17/2008 at 4:32:35 PM

“My recent breakup has devastated me. It's been over a year now, and my girlfriends all encourage me to "get back on the horse," so to speak. Seriously, I can't even imagine getting into another relationship. At the same time, I dread spending the rest of my life alone. What's wrong with me?” —Eliza K., Birmingham, AL

You’re grieving. Grief has it’s own pace, depending on the individual and the circumstances. If yours has continued for over a year, that means that there are almost certainly unresolved emotional issues from earlier in your life that the end of your relationship stirred up.

The key to moving on is to identify what other relationship from your childhood or young adulthood might be connected to your breakup. Did it reawaken feelings of abandonment by a parent? Did your ex-boyfriend remind you of any other important figure in your life who violated your trust? Did he shake your self-esteem by intensifying any self-doubt you lived with long before you met him? Who and what does he and the loss of him remind you of?

Moving on may well require revisiting the chapter of your life that this very recent one reopens.
While you’re doing that emotional work, keep in mind that you shouldn’t wait for a time when it feels good or natural to start dating again. Starting is the point. It’s okay to acknowledge that your next date or your fifth date from now might feel sad or anxiety-provoking. That’s natural. You’ve been deeply affected by a loss. But your feelings don’t have to entirely dictate your behavior. And once you begin socializing again, that momentum may well carry you into your next relationship.

Finally, doing all this on your own can be a tall order. Don’t be afraid to get a little counseling to help get you to the next step in finding a new relationship. Having someone listen in to your life story can make the next pages a lot easier to plan.

Keith Ablow, MD is a psychiatrist, Fox News Contributor and the founder of www.LivingtheTruth.com.

Other Relationship Advice From SMW:
Keith Ablow: "Carbon Copy Men"
Keith Ablow: Those Three Little Words ("I Love You")
John Gray Q&A: "Why Am I a Lousy First Date?"

Recent Forum Postings.

No Forum Entries Found.

Read the entire forum here

FEATURED SPECIAL OFFERS

Match.com

Get a free 7-day trial to Match.com - the web's largest online community for singles - gives you access to contact millions of eligible singles!

Wyndham Hotels and Resorts Romance Special Offers

From champagne and strawberries, to breakfast in bed, couple's massage, candlelight dinners and more - each of the special packages offer a variety of savings and amenities.

see more special offers