You've read about it. Perhaps you've got a friend who knows somebody who claims to have experienced it, once upon a time. But your own personal research leads you to believe that the one-hour orgasm is just a myth, a desired but (so sadly) elusive fantasy.
Now we know why: in recent survey of 50 members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research,
the average time it took for a satisfactory sexual experience was only 3 to 13 minutes.
The survey, conducted by Penn State/Erie researchers Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani, included psychologists, physicians, social workers,
marriage and family therapists, and nurses whose knowledge is based on having, collectively, seen
thousands of patients, over several decades.
Some 68 percent of these experts agreed to the definition of sexual intercourse as "penetration of the vagina by the penis, until ejaculation." They also also defined the ranges of intercourse
activity times. For example, while 3 to 7 minutes was considered "adequate" and 7 to 13 minutes was considered "desirable," 1 to 2 minutes was deemed "too short."
Believe it or not, 10 to 30
minutes was considered "too long." (Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Says
who?")
That said, I guess a one-hour orgasm is too much to hope for.
According to Corty and Guardiani's research summary, a full hour of orgasmic delight is a pipe dream, for sure. "A man's or woman's interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner's relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society's messages, formal and informal...Unfortunately, today's popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse."
Or, as Corty put it to
Science Daily: "This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction."
Duh. Ya think?
Besides wanting to set the record straight, Corty sees it as a way to take the pressure off those with performance anxiety. "With this survey, we hope to dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions."
Thanks, Prof. For
nothing.
So, what you're telling us that there's no magic potion, jelly, or aromatherapy that can—um—enhance the overall experience, let alone some mystic sexual position, or mechanical gizmo, or enlightening self-help book that can help him—
us—extend the pleasure?
Hmmmm.
Okay, let's do a little damage control:
1. Because an orgasm is a real, physical experience, stimulation of sexual genitalia is the key great sex.
The hormone oxytocin is believed to be produced during orgasm, which takes place when your errogenous zones—your nipples and your clitoris, and the Gräfenberg, or "G"-spot—are
stimulated. So don't be shy. Show him what you like.
2. Let him into your head—and your fantasies.
Brain scans are proof positive that large parts of the cerebral cortex respond during orgasms, in both men and women. And of course, wet dreams prove that orgasms can happen even in your sleep. So go ahead and play some mind games on each other. And long live your orgasm—and his.
3. Practice makes perfect (and keeps you going longer).
Women's orgasms last longer than men's. And second and third subsequent orgasms last even longer than the first. Men, too, can have multiple orgasms, if they refrain from immediate ejaculation.
So, now that he knows what you like, show him how you like it—then let him practice on you. If he can hold off, maybe you'll extend your 13 minutes of pleasure to, say, an hour.
Or two.
Or three...
More SMW Relationship Advice
Why You’re NOT Having Sex—and 12 Things You Can Do About It
Spice of Life / The Menage-a-Trois: Is Three Company?
The Spice of Life: The M Word. (No, Not "Men," but "Masturbation")